It’s a brave new world out there – it’s a fat, green-haired, in-your-face gay world, so that makes it brave, ironically so for a nation that has injected military propaganda into literally every facet of its citizen’s lives. Well fine, alright it really isn’t, like – at all, but there is a loud group of people like that, and across an invisible chasm of hearts full of neutrality is another group that seems to believe that college campuses in America have been overrun by people like that. I’m not sure how all the rules work and trying to find common ground with the college crowd when you’re long past that stage is just painful. I guess it’s a bit tricky finding common ground with anyone when you’re a miserable former alcoholic who can’t bear the punishment of existence without your best gal Mary Jane, it’s really not that bad most days, it just kind of sucks knowing depression is your default. As if I wasn’t already permanently dazed and hard at work burning out what memories are still there from my youth, everything keeps moving in zany new directions whenever I tune into Life. President Trump was to be expected, I wrote that it wouldn’t surprise me in the least well before the election; the coming civil war in America is to be expected, although not entirely unavoidable; and the rise of fascism in the West seems like a foregone conclusion. While I don’t advocate for fascism, I think it’s fair to say many would agree that democracy is wasted on a population that can’t find the country they’re at war with on a map and have no idea how their democratic process even works. It’s not as if it’s hard to find out or understand, and I’m not just talking about the common folk here, I’ve met entirely too many wealthy people who really have no greater aspirations than to play with expensive toys. That’s the sort of thing that baffles me… some guy who’s almost 30 and trying on dresses, and another guy who can barely pry himself away from his video games to shit for 2hrs a night are the least of my concerns, really just two of the myriad varieties of retards out there.
CEO: I want to get in on this military worship, also I need a tax write-off, but only like $500.
Marketing: Don’t worry I got this.
There seems to be a new litmus test for racism, it’s basically one question: did a white person say it? If the answer is yes, then it’s certifiable racism. I’m not talking about hate speech or anything like that, I’m talking about the sort of joke Russell Peters could easily get away with that would get an Irish comedian in more hot water than a Chinese teabag. There’s also a women’s movement that started to seem a little off when names like Terry Crews and Aziz Ansari showed up on the list. Everybody already knew Hollywood obviously has no problems with reprehensible pieces of shit like Roman Polanski who drugged and raped a 13 year old girl, he got a standing ovation – why do you think they would care about some no-name actresses? And did I even say that right? Is it actors now? Is a dress enough to make a woman? Are we all equally capable in spite of the fact testosterone and estrogen are used to treat people transitioning to a new gender? And I can pick my gender, but not my orientation, unless it’s a racial preference, that’s not ok, but if a surgeon removed your dick then I’m transphobic if I don’t pretend you’re a woman. Yeah, I give up, I sort of understand why nobody really cares if grandma throws out a slur every once in a while, my generation’s version of that is going to be some mild embarrassment for the kids when we casually throw out a “faggot” over Scrabble on family game night. The barriers to creating true human connections beyond Scrabble night seem to get higher and more intense – people have demands, gone are the days of two bros sharing a beer and cheering opposite sports teams, you’re more likely to run into a circlejerk of hipsters discussing which craft brewery has the best hops while Premier League or poker plays on the background TV, and god help you if you actually dig soccer, they never know who’s playing or what the score is. You need to pass a psychological exam if you want to be friends with some of these people, I know most of us aren’t like this, but we’ve all met someone like this: calls anyone even slightly conservative a nazi, is sadistically addicted to ‘debating’ things like gun rights and abortion laws with anyone at the drop of a hat leading to a novel’s worth of word-salad facebook posts about nothing and littered with minor spelling errors, literally cannot talk about anything besides hot-topic political issues while knowing almost nothing about the actual political process, and finally in spite of all this is actually very easy to get with due to low self-esteem. It reminds me of another sort of person I’ve come across a few times, have I mentioned I believe in horseshoe theory?
As a radically neutral centrist I can’t really pretend I care about someone I’ve never met dying in a jungle somewhere anymore than I give a shit about who’s driving my uber as long as I get where I’m going. There’s always conflict in some shithole – that’s what makes it a shithole. Are we really going to pretend the Congo is a nice place to raise a family? Or was the left just pearl-clutching at the use of naughty language? They were awfully quiet while those drones were killing kids in Pakistan. So what happens is everybody eventually starts to lose credibility, between Nazis and Communists are painful memories of war and starvation, they want you to pick a side but only give you two shitty options. As they move down the horseshoe they get further and further away from nuance and rationality and closer to each other. Imagine if Hitler had never betrayed Stalin and they carved up Europe and Africa together – I think the sort of person who would rise in this crazy world is the same sort of person who will ultimately rise and reshape the West: He will ride under a banner of cooperation and protectionism, he will be backed by money so old it’s guaranteed in gold, he will actually have a sickeningly clean record and almost no bad habits to speak of, and he will be celebrated in his time. Somewhere else another will rise and he will unite our enemies against us. One will betray the other, rinse and repeat, we’re not at the world-unification stage yet, not even close, there are many wars left to fight, our grandparents didn’t storm the beaches of Normandy with hugs and love and neither will our wars be fought without violence. I used to think this was common sense, but it’s become apparent that it really isn’t.